


Her Lexa

by H3d4



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Clarke Griffin and Lexa in Love, Commander Lexa (The 100), F/F, Protective Lexa (The 100), Stubborn Clarke Griffin, clexa feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 17:44:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20586494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H3d4/pseuds/H3d4
Summary: "Why it’s so easy to get mad at you but so hard to stay mad at you?"The one where something happens on Clarke's way back home, Lexa gets overprotective and messes up.





	Her Lexa

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when I have a clexa breakdown in the middle of the night and the inspiration comes.  
I got extremely attacked writing this, I hope this make you feel things too.  
For those who miss the commander and her love story, enjoy.

Sometime in the middle of the night, with the candles putting out, their room was illuminated only by the moonlight. But they weren't sleeping yet. With Clarke laying on her chest, Lexa closed her eyes in the comfortable silence of the night. Their naked bodies interwined made sure that there wasn't space between them and the only sound allowed was their breath and heartbeats. As in the most of the nights.

Clarke has a room of her own, mostly as a formality. She spend every night on Lexa's, so it wasn't only her room anymore. That was their room, their sacred space. In fact, they made a rule of not talking about anything related to work as soon as they cross the door. Inside those walls, they're just Clarke and Lexa. The Commander and the Ambassador stay outside. Things got complicated once, never again. The truth is the blonde barely remembers her official room anymore. The guards on those doors protect nothing, they know that but can't really talk about it.

The brunette is almost falling asleep but Clarke's mind don't let her stay quiet for any longer so she breaks the silence.

\- I’m leaving tomorrow.

\- What? Why? – Lexa opened her eyes as a reflex – Something happened?

\- No, nothing happened. I’ve been thinking... I think it’s time to go home.

\- You’re not happy here?

\- Come on Lexa, don’t do this. Of course I’m happy here, but I have to go back at some point.

\- Do you? – Clarke didn’t respond, just gave her a silent look – So you’re just thinking about it or...

\- It’s a decision.

\- Okay... But the winter is coming, you know? You’d love to see Polis in the winter.

\- You say this about every season.

\- I’m not lying.

\- If I keep listening to you, I’ll never gonna leave. I feel like we have this conversation every time I try to leave.

\- That’s exactly my point – Lexa jokes.

\- It’s a great point but even if it’s my job to advocate for my people’s best interests here, I should at least see them there. How am I gonna represent them if I don’t know what their lives are now? And I miss my mom, my friends...

\- I’m sorry, you’re right – Clarke gives her a winner smile - You should go see your mother, she probably misses you.

\- I’ll miss you.

\- I’ll miss you too – the brunette kisses the top of the blonde’s head - Come back to me.

\- I will.

In the next morning, as usual, Lexa woke up first and as her first assignment she organized Clarke´s whole travel. She designated a few guards to escort the blonde and made them map the safest route. When Clarke woke, she obviously changed everything. She chose the fastest route and after a lot of discussion only accepted four guards, her official bodyguard included.

After weeks in Polis, Clarke got used to the company of Dax, the guard whose only job was to be close to her 24/7. Lexa said Clarke shouldn't get too attached to him because 'he was ready to die for her' so in their first interaction Clarke gave him the specific order to never die for her. She knew he would do it anyways, but liked to believe the opposite. Soon they got to a consensus about boundaries and how they could help each other so he can do his job properly, she doesn't feel suffocated and Lexa stays calm knowing Clarke is always protected.

After lunch they said their goodbyes and Clarke started her journey. No kisses in public, just an old "may we meet again" covering a "please come back soon". In those horses, with just a few breaks, they could make it to Arkadia in five days maybe four. The way Clarke is, maybe they could make a new record. As soon as Clarke and the four guards left, Lexa went back to focus on her usual Commander duties. In a few days the guards will return to report the mission and Clarke will stay away for no one knows how long.

xx – xx – xx – xx – xx – xx

In the next day, Lexa just finished her third afternoon meeting when one of the guards who watches the view from the top of the tower alerted Titus something was wrong. Three of the guards who left with Clarke were back and one of them seemed hurt. It’s too soon. In the moment that information came to the Commander, she ordered to see the guards as soon as possible.

Bran Kom Trikru, one of the guards, entered the Commander’s throne room a few moments later and tried his best to explain what happened but Lexa was impatient and he was nervous. Apparently some trading post was robbed the night before their trip and the owners mistaken Clarke's crew as the thieves so they were attacked. Lexa was barely listening.

\- What happened? Is she ok?

\- ...so we got trapped into an ambush. I didn’t see them coming the rain was-

\- **Is Clarke ok?**

\- Yes, she’s ok. My apologies, Commander I-

\- Where is she?

In that moment, Lexa didn’t want to know any more details of what happened. She just needed to make sure Clarke Griffin was breathing. She would deal with Bran later. The guard stopped trying to explain himself and told her Clarke went straight to the Commander’s bedroom. Their bedroom. When Lexa was about to leave the throne room, Titus entered alerting her of an important new and immediate appointment on her schedule.

\- The Trishanakru ambassador finally managed to reunite his merchants leaders so you can discuss the renewal of the trading agreement for the next winter. They’re all waiting in the meeting room right now.

\- I need go to see Clarke first.

\- Commander, they’re already waiting.

\- Start the meeting without me. I’ll join you soon.

\- I’d like to remind you this is an important negotiation.

\- I know, so don’t let them waiting any longer. I’ll meet you there in a few minutes.

\- Lexa...

\- **I’ll meet you there, Titus.**

He wouldn’t defy her authority. Instead, he sent another two guards to follow the Commander, for her to be constantly reminded that she should be somewhere else. She could’ve stopped him but she didn’t care, her mind was focused on Clarke.

When Lexa got to their room, Bran’s brother was waiting outside, another guard from the trip. That was a sign that Clarke was still there. The guard was soaking wet from the storm. On the contrary of his brother, when he saw the Commander, he automatically lowered his head and waited for her to guide the conversation. Lexa ordered him to change his clothes and then she entered the room immediately. He was going to have a chance to beg for her forgiveness later.

Clarke just have had finish changing her clothes and was giving up trying to dry her hair. She didn’t look very happy but at least she was alive. That’s was Lexa’s first thought. The Commander visually inspected the blonde from head to toe.

\- Are you ok? How’re you feeling?

\- I’m fine. It was just a misunderstanding.

\- Your arms...

There were bruises on Clarke’s wrists. They tied her. Lexa immediately turned to one of the guards sent by Titus that entered the room with her.

\- Bring us a healer.

\- No! There’s no need for a healer, it’s nothing.

\- You got hurt.

\- I’m fine.

\- A healer can-

\- I said I’m fine!

Lexa breathed loudly in frustration, she wanted to be sure. Clarke felt like she was never get used to protective Lexa. Sometimes she really forgets how caring the Commander can be.

\- I’m just... worried – the Commander said with the voice a little lower, mostly for herself.

\- I know, but I’m ok, I promise. This was me. Yes, they tied me, but it wasn’t even for too long. I got bruises because I’m stubborn and resisted. I’m also too pale.

The blonde joked trying to convince Lexa that the situation wasn’t bad as she imagined. In return, Lexa gave her a shy smile. Clarke loved that one. The Commander wasn’t thinking about hunting the entire families of Clarke’s abductors anymore. But they would pay for sure.

\- Can you identify the kidnappers?

\- First of all, they didn’t kidnap us. Second, yes but I won’t. You’re not punishing them. As I said before, it was just a misunderstanding. In fact, I just came back because Dax got hurt and we could use a new horse for Bran. I’m already leaving again.

\- You lost a man, Clarke. It was serious. And It’s also getting late.

\- So what?

\- You’re not leaving today.

\- I can travel at night, Lexa.

\- But you won’t. You’re staying.

It didn’t matter for Lexa, they made a mistake so they should be punished for it, the same thing was going to happen to the guards. They all putted Clarke’s life at risk. And she wouldn’t let her take any more risks that day.

The door was open, Titus guards made sounds to pointing out they were still there and she shouldn’t be there. These two can do their jobs properly, why the ones she sent with Clarke had to be so incompetent.

\- I have a meeting right now. As soon as it’s finished I’ll be back.

\- You’re not listening to me. I’m leaving.

\- Tomorrow. You leave tomorrow.

\- We already discussed this, remember? It’s a five days ride, the sooner we start-

\- I’m late for the meeting. Wait for me.

\- I won’t.

Now both were angry at each other’s stubbornness. Clarke just wanted to get home and Lexa just wanted Clarke to be safe.

\- It’s an order.

\- An order??

\- Yes. I’m your Commander and I’m ordering you to stay in Polis until second order.

\- You can’t forbid me to leave town.

\- Yes I can.

They didn’t fight in a long time. That peace came to an end in a few sentences. Clarke hated with all her being when Lexa uses the “I’m the Commander” card with her, specially if it’s used for something directly unrelated to her Commander activities.

In the moment those words came out of Lexa’s mouth, she knew se crossed a line. Now she has to deal with the consequences. A mad Clarke Griffin could be a bigger chaos than ten storms. Clarke picked her wet clothes from the floor and walked straight to the door in silence.

\- Where are you going?

\- Back to **my** room. Or I’m not **allowed** to go there anymore? – The blonde asked rhetorically and left immediately after.

Clarke never leaves to her bedroom. Now Lexa isn’t only dangerously late to a decisive meeting but also in the verge of a break up. Worse than Clarke’s chaos? Her indifference.

xx – xx – xx – xx – xx – xx 

Some days are hard to maintain the "feelings separated from duty" mentality. This day is one of them. Lexa was angry so every decision and response related to her duty as Commander were affected by that mood. She was angry at the guards incompetence, the kidnappers by mistake, Clarke's stubbornness, the countless and infinite meetings she had to attend, the deals with so many demands she had to moderate, Titus' face judging her behaviour all day and specially at herself for not only making a really bad decision regards her relationship but also for letting this affect everything else.

After she was finally done with the activities of that endless day, she could calm down and start thinking rationally about what happened and what to do about it. Lexa ordered Clarke's guards to come and tell her the whole story detailed, individually.

A family had their trading post robbed the night before, in the morning the old parents sent their sons to hunt the thieves. They saw Clarke's crew hiding from the storm and mistake them as their targets. The storm was too strong to see the ambush prepared so they were captured. Of course not without a fight, but as soon one of the guards fell dead and Dax got severely injured, Clarke decided to stand down and cooperate. By the time they recognize that those were official guards and an ambassador, it was too late. The only thing the sons could do was to untie them and beg for their lives. After everything calmed down and the rain got lighter, Clarke being Clarke, understood the situation and let them go. Her focus was to save Dax's life so they run to the closest place with a healer, back to Polis.

Lexa also understood that everything was a misunderstanding but people got hurt by that mistake. Dax was recovering well but someone died. Clarke could've died by that mistake. Even with that possibility, she knew Clarke would protect these people but the Commander had other means to find their identity and location if needed. By the other hand, the attack was Clarke's matter and she should be the one to decide the consequences. Punishing them means go against the blonde wishes and that certainly would make things harder between them. Especially because the situation itself wasn't good either.

In that moment Lexa stopped with the rationality and started the emotional part. She also made a huge mistake that day, she got so nervous and worried about the situation that lashed out at Clarke in one of the worst ways possible. Lexa knew that if she had yelled awful things at her, the impact would've been less profound and personal than imposing her authority like that. At least in Clarke's mind. So she felt really bad and rehearsed twenty two ways to apologize at the dinner. With no surprise, Clarke chose to eat alone in her room.

xx – xx – xx – xx – xx – xx

Lexa thought about letting Clarke alone for the night and try again the next morning, give her space, but the Commander's mind wouldn't let her stop thinking about it. She also didn't want to take the risk of losing the opportunity of having the conversation by Clarke leaving before she awakes. Even ready to sleep, Lexa got up and went straight to Clarke's room. The guard at her door pretended to not paying attention to her second time knocking being ignored.

She could try and force her unwanted entering or try one last time. Lexa would never force anything to Clarke. At least not again. When she was about to knock for the third time, the blonde opened the door. Her face still wasn't good. Clarke was ready to go sleep too but hadn't tried yet. It was almost like she was waiting for Lexa to come over but letting her wait to pretend she wasn't. She opened the door and left Lexa behind to close it while she walked back inside.

\- I’m gonna start – she said before the Commander could even try - I have three things to say to you and you’re just gonna stay there and listen.

Clarke was still mad, that was clear. She rehearsed a big speech and was determined to finish it. Lexa didn’t want to make things worse so whatever Clarke needed in that moment she was gonna have it.

\- Ok, I’m listening.

\- Number one, at the first sign of sun coming through that window, I’m leaving this town and you’re not gonna stop me.

That was a fair wish, in this case, a demand. Lexa would love to keep Clarke close for more time but she knew this wasn’t debatable anymore.

\- Nod if you understand – Lexa nods – Good, get ready because number two is gonna be hard. This time I’m leaving alone. Yes, without Bran or even Dax. I’m coming home all by myself and you’re gonna let me.

Another demand. Lexa didn’t like that one. It was dangerous and it meant that she wouldn’t know when or if Clarke got home safe. Clarke knew she wasn’t gonna have a good reaction so when she saw Lexa’s face, she repeated firmly:

**\- You’re gonna let me. **

\- Clarke...

\- We’re **not** discussing this.** Nod.**

Lexa took a deep breath. She would have to find a way to live with that choice or start another fight. So against her will, she nodded. Clarke was relieved for a second and then put on her determined serious face again, here comes the last one. It’s not a demand, it’s a statement.

\- Number three: you do not own me. You can’t use your title anytime you want to make me do anything you want just because you’re the Commander, specially if isn’t politic related. We had a rule and you not only broke it but also twisted. We’re not supposed to talk about work in our room and you went there and used a work title to deal with something about us. You crossed a line, Lexa.

She knew how much she offended Clarke and she was right in every sentence.

\- And I also have a title, ok? If you treated any other ambassador like a child who can’t take care of themselves you could’ve started a war. You want me to start a war too? If you wanna order me like a Commander then treat me like an ambassador.

\- You’re not like the other ambassadors.

\- Exactly. And maybe that’s worse? Even if I’m just another woman who you sleeps with, you still don’t own me.

That took Lexa by surprise. She was already feeling bad about what she did but listening to that was like a punch in the stomach. She didn’t know if she should be offended or just accept the pain. Any speech she has rehearsed before flew out of her mind in that moment.

\- Please, don’t say that. You’re not just another woman, please tell me you don’t believe that. Tell me you don’t feel this way.

If Clarke wanted to hurt Lexa by saying that, ok. She sure felt like maybe she deserved being hurt in the same way. But if that was a real statement, it would be devastating.

\- Tell me you don’t feel this way – Lexa asked again.

\- I... It’s just... Sometimes it’s hard to know who I'm dealing with. Today was a terrible example. We made a rule to help us separate things and at the end it meant nothing. Am I talking to a Commander who can force me to stay in Polis forever or the woman who I would love to stay with in Polis forever?

\- You’re right, sometimes it’s hard and today I made it even harder. You also can do whatever you want about yourself and I won’t ever stop you again but what I did was completely the opposite of treating you like just another one. Especially because there’s only you. And I do care about you so much, Clarke.

Clarke noticed how attacked Lexa felt by that and didn't feel satisfaction on hurting her back. Both were hurt and no one was winning anything. The Commander started to recompose herself and remembered some of the things she went there to say.

\- Look, I could try to explain myself... tell you about how stressing and busy my day was, how I was pressured and late for a crucial meeting, how worried I was, how stubborn you were, how frustrated I was because I just wanted to stay with you... – Lexa slowly came closer and Clarke let her - I could say so many things but none of them would erase the way I behaved with you. You feel offended, it’s completely valid and I’m sorry. No one is to blame but me.

Clarke could feel how genuine Lexa's words and feels were. That was something Lexa could do. Behind all the layers of a young Commander full of responsibilities there was someone who feels too deeply but isn't allowed to show it. Someone knew how to touch you and make you feel everything. When her hands touches your body it's like you're music. She runs her fingers through your hair and you're in the most peaceful state of mind. Her voice has a unique way to enfold your name, when she says it, it's the prettiest song on earth. A kiss and you're loved. A hug and you're protected. A forehead touch and it's only you two in the world. The way she looks at her without saying anything but saying all the things. So when she actually say something, when it comes from the heart, you can feel it in every word. When she does that, there is no doubt of who is expressing herself. That was her Lexa.

\- But believe that I’m not trying to justify myself when I say that I was really scared when I thought I lost you so when I impulsively crossed the line my only thought was to keep you alive for one more day – She said caressing Clarke’s cheek.

Lexa didn't need to say anything else, Clarke already had gave up all the bad feelings she was nurturing all day.

\- Why it’s so easy to get mad at you but so hard to _stay_ mad at you?

\- I am _deeply_ sorry.

\- I know you are, Lexa.

Then Clarke immediately hugged her the way she wished she could've had done earlier, when she was pretending to be strong to not worry Lexa even more when in fact she was shaken after the kidnap. Her wrists were hurt, she was scared and the adrenaline was too much. And Lexa kissed her the way she wished she could've had done earlier, when she thought Clarke was hurt or dead, when she thought she was never going to see her again, when they fought and she wanted to leave it all behind to run after her and make things right again.

\- I’m sorry I said that – Clarke whispered between kisses - I do believe in us.

Lexa was relieved to hear that, to know that their feelings were still there and they were the same for both. Their situation was always going to have hard moments not only because it's a relationship but also because who they are. She'll never going to stop being the Commander but if Clarke still wants her, she'll never going to stop being her Lexa.

They laid in Clarke’s bed together as one. As if no fight happened but with their hearts filled with renewed hope and reaffirmed love. Ready for whatever comes next.

\- Lexa... I’m still leaving tomorrow.

\- I imagined.

\- But I’m taking guards with me so you can sleep at night.

\- I really appreciate that. Thank you.

So Clarke laid on Lexa’s chest like the other night, completely wrapped around her body, feeling in peace with the brunette’s fingers running through her hair. But something still wasn’t right for Clarke: 

\- I don’t like this bed, can we go back to _our_ room?

\- I’m so glad you asked.

**Author's Note:**

> Btw this is my first one-shot Clexa, be kind.  
I hope you liked. I miss them.


End file.
